“Gary, come over now. It’s an emergency!” Jonathan said to me over the phone.

I asked my boss, Fred, if I could take off. He said sure.

Jonathan's door was unlocked. I could hear weeping and a running shower. This was normal. I put my head in the bathroom; all I could smell was shit.

"Not again," I thought. “Jonathan, did you fill your pants?”

“Yes”, he replied weakly.

“You're still wearing them?”


We got him cleaned up.

“I have something to show you,” he said.

He took me to the garage. In the freezer, on top of the boxes of Swanson’s Hungry Man Frozen Dinners, laid an alien in a jumpsuit. With his wide-eyes, gray body, and small-nostrils he looked just like my boss Fred, so we named him Freddy.

We were caught in the moment when the alien sprang up. Jonathan let out a scream. The alien cringed at the sound of his voice, and started squeaking.

“Don’t do that Freddy, it hurts my ears,” Jonathan complained.

“Jon, Let’s take a minute to regroup.”

We sat down inside.

“Where’s your dog?” I asked.

Jonathan's lip started to quiver, “She died in mortal Kom…. Conflict with the alien.” A tear rolled down his cheek.

I came by the following day. I saw Freddy sitting on the freezer holding a glass of water; he seemed to peer over the rim at Jonathan with hatred.

Freddy squeaked.

“No that hurts my head!, Do you need more water?” Jonathan said.

Freddy threw the glass down and it shattered.

“Oh geeze,” Jonathan said leaving for a broom.

Freddy grabbed me.

“You have to get me the fuck out of here!” He said as clear as a bell.

“You talk!”

“Yes I talk. Help me get out of here and make it look like I was abducted. Knowing your friend, he has already called the NSA, so he’ll assume the Men in Black took me.”

I was baffled, “You want me to make it look like humans abducted an alien?”

“Yes, Jonathan is going shopping tomorrow for new pants. Come back while he’s gone…bring a truck.”

I came back the next day, as planned. I entered the house using a spare key; Freddy was trashing it!

“What are you doing?” I exclaimed.

Freddy handed me a hammer, "Don’t you want to smash some of his stuff?”

“He’s my friend,” I said. The hammer flung from my hand through a framed photo of Jonathan.

Freddy clapped and said, “The only good thing about this experience is the freezer, so I’m stealing it.”

Freddy picked up one end of the freezer, and I got the other, we easily loaded it into the truck.

He then ran to the front door, and burped up some spores into Jonathan’s house.

“He has the funniest reaction to this stuff.” Freddy said. “It makes him start throwing up and filling his pants.”

Author: Jon B.


Fan Fiction Main Page

Fan Fiction Table Of Content

Community content is available under CC-BY-SA unless otherwise noted.