The Jeb

John Ellis 'Jeb' Bush is a former republican hopeful for the nomination to run for Illuminati puppet No. 1.

He is the brother of George W. Bush (Former President), son of George H. W. Bush (Former President), and the grandson of Prescott Bush (Renowned banker, senator, and supposed eugenics supporter). Jeb also has a son who is, rather imaginatively, called George.

Bohemian Grove Edit

According to a completely reliable and in no way untrustworthy source, whose story totally made sense and didn't have any holes in it, Jeb Bush attended the Bohemian Grove. Bohemian Grove is like a camp for rich people who urinate everywhere or something.

Milkshake Edit

Jeb Bush apparently threw a strop like a whiny little bitch when he wasn't allowed a milkshake outside of milkshake time or something equally as believable. I mean, why can't you have a milkshake before 8p.m.? I don't know, and neither does he. Surely before 8p.m. is a better time to have a milkshake than after as they have lots of sugar which will give you a sugar rush meaning you won't go to sleep, like, ever. But I digress. Yeah, Jeb Bush apparently says "Do you know who I am?". This might be believable if it was George Bush, but Jeb? Seriously? He's the creepy uncle at the family parties that nobody talks to. Seriously. I didn't even know he existed until he ran for the presidential nomination. And anyway, wouldn't the super-rich have a guy to always have a milkshake for them?

Unbelievable Podcast Edit

Jeb Bush is an avid listener of the Unbelievable Podcast. This can be seen in his commenting on the show.

Some of these comments also appear to show some sort of disdain towards Donald Trump, who is an alleged member of The Orange. Could Jeb be humanity's saviour? Or are The Orange at political war with the Illuminati? Who knows? Who cares? Not me.

Lion Monster in the Mirror Edit

Jeb Bush also appears to have some sort of link to the The Doglike-Arnold-Monster. The beast has the apparent ability to appear in a mirror when Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton appear on TV. The beast looks like a lion with a toe missing. If the lion get so close in the mirror that you could see the toe missing, wouldn't you freak out? Like, AHHH!!! LION!!! RUUNNNN!!!! Or at least go to a doctor and be like, "Yo, I'm seeing lions in my mirror and I don't live at a zoo". But no, just be chill about it, whatever.

Election 2000 Edit

Jeb Bush was heavily implicated in alleged voting fraud in Florida (No, not the rapper) in the 2000 presidential elections. This alleged fraud was supposed to have swung the elections into a winnable position for George Bush.

Other Lies Edit

Another lie about Jebby Baby Bush is that he would have made John Stormm his secretary of defence, which makes sense. If you want to attack the USA he would just flip your car over. Good luck getting to the Homeland now!!

In 2016 Fox created a sitcom/detective/sci-fi crossover where Jeb plays the goofy side-kick to the serious intergalactic detective with a hard-hitting back story. The detective is to be played by Phil Schneider's Dick.

Final Thoughts Edit

This may article or may not be true for tax purposes.