Overview Edit

TUP Goatman

The Maryland GoatMan has been seen since the 1950's around the Laurel, Maryland area. He looks like a bear with a goat slung over his shoulder like a Trader Joe's sack. According to GoatMan Expert Unbeliever Daniel Joseph, the GoatMan was "biten by a radioactive goat! In the anus!", after which Unbeliever Daniel reconfirmed that there is "no such thing as bears". Most recently, the Maryland GoatMan was seen shortly after the 2 acre fire crater created by local mischievous teenagers.

Origins Edit

In 1955, Billy Goatman was a carefree juvenile delinquent teenager, roaming around Maryland, creating massive crater-fires and generally goofing off. One day Billy wandered out into a field full of radioactive goats, as are common in Maryland. Now, we all know that radioactivity settles in the anus. We all know it. Billy knew it too, and that is exactly why he went out into that field of radioactive goats. Billy wanted to get a good look at the anus of one of these goats because radioactivity was Billy's hobby. That was a thing in 1955, you could just be into radioactivity. But when Billy bent way over to closely study the anal receptor of one goat's radioactivity, he was sharply bitten in his own by another radioactive, and rabid, wild goat!

Billy's transformation into GoatMan was immediate and complete. He now has goat-like abilities, which are far too numerous to list here, but it has helped him evade authorities for over 60 years. Like many cryptids and Earthbound creatures, the GoatMan poses as a bear when necessary to hide. Bigfoot is another creature which employs a similar tactic. Bears serve as a cover to many creatures thought not to exist, when in reality it is bears that do not exist.


GoatMan should not be confused with GoatBoy. It's a whole other guy.